If you could peek upstairs in my brain during a typical workday, you’d probably find a golden retriever energetically wagging its tail, ready to help and leave people feeling happy. That’s who I really am: someone who genuinely wants to be of service, to contribute, to make things better for the people around me. And yet, despite that wholehearted intention, there’s a persistent narrative in my head that I’ve been battling lately.
It goes like this: I’m too much, and therefore, not enough.
Sound familiar?
As a strong woman in the business world, I’ve worked hard to develop confidence, presence, and leadership skills—to be someone who gets things done and inspires others along the way. But that strength comes with a double-edged sword. Sometimes I worry that my boldness edges others out, leaving them unsure of how to engage with me. And in trying to soften that edge, I find myself pulling back too much, feeling like I’ve missed the mark entirely.
If I’m too much, people might think I’m overbearing. But if I hold back, I’m left kicking myself after meetings, thinking, Why didn’t I listen better? Why didn’t I ask more questions? Why didn’t I offer more value?
It’s exhausting.
The more I’ve reflected on this feeling, the more I realize I’m not alone. So many strong women I’ve coached and worked alongside grapple with this same mental gymnastics: the tension between wanting to be bold and powerful while also being approachable and collaborative. And beneath it all, that nagging imposter syndrome whispers that maybe we’re not good enough anyway.
So, as I was playing the latest chess match with these unwanted thoughts, I started to reflect: Why does this happen to women more often then men (in my experience)?
There are a few reasons:
- Cultural Conditioning: From a young age, many women are taught to be likable, accommodating, and non-confrontational. But the business world often rewards traits like decisiveness, assertiveness, and confidence. Navigating that contradiction can make us feel like we’re walking a tightrope.
- Fear of Judgment: When we take up space, we risk being perceived as “too aggressive” or “too ambitious.” But when we shrink back, we risk being overlooked or undervalued. It’s no wonder we feel like we’re constantly getting it wrong.
- High Standards: Strong women often hold themselves to sky-high expectations. We want to be amazing—to be curious, credible, empathetic, and inspiring all at once. Falling short of that ideal (which is inevitable) leaves us feeling like we’ve failed.
I’m not claiming to have all the answers, but as I’ve reflected on this, here are a few things I’m focused on to move forward:
- Stop Trying to Be for Everyone: Here’s the truth: You can’t be everything to everyone, and that’s okay. Not everyone will resonate with your style, and some people might misunderstand you. But the people who matter—the ones who value your authenticity—will see and appreciate you for exactly who you are. Give yourself permission to let go of trying to please everyone and focus on showing up fully for the people who truly align with your mission. (I can’t believe it’s taken me this many years to get this!)
- Focus on Service: Whenever I’m stuck in self-doubt, I try to shift my focus outward. How can I be of service to others in this moment? That golden retriever energy—the genuine desire to help—is my superpower. It reminds me to lead from a place of authenticity and care.
- Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection: You don’t have to get it right every time. Celebrate the moments when you listened well, asked a great question, or made a meaningful contribution. Small wins add up.
- Build Your Support System: Surround yourself with people who get it. Other strong women who can remind you that you’re not alone in this struggle. People who see your heart and value your contributions, even on the days you don’t see them yourself.
The truth is, being a strong woman in business isn’t always easy. But it’s also an incredible privilege to have a voice, to make an impact, and to lead the way for others. Let’s stop apologizing for our strength and start embracing it. Because when we do, we give others permission to do the same.
And maybe, just maybe, we’ll realize that we’re not too much or not enough—we’re exactly who we need to be.